IKÄVÄ

I miss building legos. I miss morning coffees and afternoon teas. I miss oatmeal with frozen bilberries and raspberries. I miss having rye bread with Oltermanni and cucumbers for breakfast. I miss salmiakki and Fazer's chocolate. I miss the apricot jasmine Novelle and moomins. I miss hanging out in libraries and searching for a never-hear-of-that book to read. I miss finding little treasures from the second hand stores. I miss Karelian pie and pulla. I miss walking down Jokiranta in Turku after school and I miss Finnish grocery stores. I miss my school.

I miss the smell of our house. I miss my bed and my sheets. I miss my woolen socks and comfy sweaters. I miss lying on the sofa and doing nothing. I miss hearing dad's music on the computer and I miss the cleaning days with him and my little sister. I miss Saturday saunas and candy days. I miss our dog. I miss him jumping to my bed when I'm trying to sleep, and him licking my face when I stop petting him. I miss my grandparents' house. I miss watching Netflix at my stepdad's.

I miss the Independence day celebration. I miss the sincere feeling of Christmas. I miss drinking hot glögi and joulutorttu and gingerbread on a cold night. I miss sleepovers and singing Finnish Christmas songs with my friends. I miss the Christmas lights in my room. I miss going to church during Christmas season. I miss my church friends and our youth camps. I miss all my loved ones, and especially, I miss my mom.

Yet still, as much as I miss all those things, I don't want to go back. Because I know that when I do, I will miss everything about this place. I will miss the mountains and carpooling home from school. I will miss going to church every Sunday and Young Women's on Wednesdays. I will miss school and all my classes, and I will miss this house that I live in. But more than anything, I will miss the people. I've already said this hunderds of times, but I just love everyone so much. Leaving them will hurt, for sure. But now that I've written all this down, I can move on, and try not to wish my life away and actually try to be caught up in the moment.

Koti-ikävä, mut ei kuitenkaan. Siin se, en keksi muuta kirjotettavaa. Hyvää yhdeksäskymmenettäyhdeksää itsenäisyyspäivää Suomi! Rakastan sua, ja näköjään etäisyys sai mut sen tajuumaan. Oon ylpeä suomalainen ja haluun jakaa kaikkee suomalaist mun ystävien kans sillee "täs on suomi ota ja kato ja rakasta mua ja mun maata". Ja ne rakastaa. Oon niin kiitollinen kaikesta mitä mul on.