TWO HUNDRED

I'M NOT DONE YET

To be completely honest, I haven't been feeling my best for the past month or two, but that's okay. The beginning of the year is always the hardest for me. It's winter; it's dark and cold, Christmas is over, the New Year brings pressure to be perfect, there's a ton of school work, and my head just doesn't like it. It's been stressful, and now there's also homesickness that kicks in every once in a while.

   Me feeling down doesn't have anything to do with my surroundings, though. Nothing has changed since my last post (that was quite a while ago, sorry); everything is still great. In my life I have the most incredible friends that never fail to make me feel better, and I have the privilege to live in an amazing family with all these loving people in it. In school I have classes that are so much fun as well. The semester changed in the beginning of this year, so now I have Foods 1 instead of Psychology, Drawing instead of Theatre, Interior Design instead of Foods 2, and Ballroom instead of Team Sports. All the other classes are still the same (Choir, Math, History, and English).

   Not a lot, yet a lot, has been happening this year. I went to my first school dance, I got to go to a wedding reception, I gave a talk at church, I've been to two basketball games, three of my closest friends turned 18, and all in all I've just had a really good time. Life here, even without anything special happening, is pretty great.

   To summarize all the events I just listed above: Brandon, who's in my ward, asked me to his school's valentine's dance that was on February 11th. All my friends came over and helped me get ready after our double date at miniature golfing. We had our fancy candle-light dinner while watching the Princess Bride, and then jammed till our feet hurt at the dance. Or mine did, because I wore heels for the first time in months. My friend Faith's sister got married on the 17th and I was lucky enough to attend the reception. It was beautiful, the Place was beautiful, the aviopari was beautiful, and I cried because I was just so filled with all the emotions and mostly love. I realized how old I actually was, for that was my first wedding I went to without my family. I'll be going to my friends' weddings and that slightly freaks me out.

   The reason I haven't been writing anything here is because I just haven't had the motivation. I can't say that I haven't had time, because I've had plenty. I just... couldn't write. I'm really kicking myself in the butt here. I haven't written anything - my diary, any of my essays, these notes that I was supposed to write for my host family, or this blog. I don't know why, but I just can't bring myself to do it. Not until now at least. It has been... two hundred days since I came to Utah. It is... unbelievable. Surreal. What. (By the way yes that is my reason to post this today.)

         I think I'm going to save my deepest thoughts of this whole experience for later, but I might as well share some of my casual thoughts here now. Things that I think about every single day, as sad as it is. The main thing is that... I feel as though I am now torn between two countries. Like I told my friend earlier this week; I feel as though I have two homes. Actually, no, not even that. I feel as though I have two lives. I've always had multiple personas but now I literally have two lives. Now, someone's going to think like uhm Eveliina r u okay that's not possible what r u saying, but. What I mean is that while being here, I have times that I forget that I actually have a family and friends back in Finland. That I'm not actually going to live here forever from this moment on. I will actually go back, in less than four months now. And that freaks me out. I try not to think about it, though. Live in the moment. Live in the moment. Live in the moment. I am sitting on my bed in Utah and everything is well.

   Basically all I wish to do is to praise my friends constantly. I am so unbelievably blessed to have them in my life, and I thank my Heavenly Father each and every day for making this possible. I've never really had a friendship group that I now have. I've had plenty of good friends, but not like this. For the first time I feel like my friends actually care about me and love me. Maybe the reason for that is because we're so much alike and we "get" each other. We're all slightly messed up lil introverts who still enjoy the company of good friends and good movies and such. Sorry for calling you messed up, but.. y'all know it's true. We still the best peeps tho. Oh, also, photo credit Faith Hyde on that one with me in her jacket standing in the rain. Also, she's the stunning creature looking left on that one picture I captured.

Ahh on se niin vaikeeta kirjottaa tätä blogindeerusta. Kuuntelen täs just biisiä joka muistuttaa mua rippileireistä (Pekka Laukkarinen - Kädet), voi että. Oli kiva nähä vähän kuvia tän vuoden hiihtiksestä, en malta odottaa et josko kesällä taas pääsis vähä leireilemään. Ikävä on kova kun muistelee Mannerlahden ruokaa, nyyh. Kelpais. Jos en aikasemmi eläny ni nyt ainaki elän iha täyspäivästä amerikkalaist elämää. Nimimerkkinä vatsasattuukunsöinniinpaljonsipsejätänään.

   Laskiaistiistai oli hyvä päivä, vaikkei papusoppaa päässykkään tänä vuonna syömään; pyöräytimpähä laskiaispullat porukoil! Meil ei ollu kouluu tona tiistaina ku junioreil oli koepäivä, joten mentii kavereitten kans vähä kaupoil ja ostin piiitkästä aikaa vähän uusia vaatteita, ja illal oli partiolaisten kulttuuripäivä ni sain esitellä 8-9-vuotiail vähä Suomea (ja laskiaispullia).